Part Six: Age 14: Trigger warning: Sexual Content

Being alone like that can be hard, but for me it started to feel like I was living on my own. Aunt N worked evenings and didn't get home until after midnight most nights so I was pretty free to do as I pleased. I figured out that guys only wanted one thing and now that my innocence was taken I decided I could use that to my advantage. I continued looking into ESP and other ways I would be able to get what I wanted out of life. I continued to babysit and kept myself busy with that. I also found that the boys from school were fine hanging out with me and taking walks, again, as long as no one saw us.

I started hanging out at the building that had now undergone several business changes from the sewing shop my mom worked at to the YMCA and now it became a thrift store. But that is not where I was hanging out. The owners son had moved into the back of the building and I thought he was really cute so I was hanging around him. He wouldn't give in to my efforts as he felt I was really too young. But he was nice and I liked talking to him so I hung out there frequently. He was teaching martial arts in the back of the building. I met another girl where I was babysitting and we also hung out and made our plans to be rock stars. She was really cool but once I stopped babysitting there I never saw her again.

I also met another girl (MZ) at school and we started hanging out but then her mother met me and didn't want her to hang out with me. It really sucked that all these parents judged me even before I lost my innocence. It really made me feel isolated and like I was an undesirable person to be friends with. But her mom worked late hours too so we didn't let it stop us from hanging out. That is until I wasn't in walking distance to her house any more. But even after I moved we stayed in touch and as soon as I moved back we were back at having our shenanigans'. Just as a little feel good part of this story....I am still friends with the MZ to this day.

In my loneliness I watched a lot of movies and one of those movies was The Bell, Book and Candle. In the movie she used her familiar, a cat to cast a love spell. From that movie I got the idea to do a love spell to attract a boyfriend. I had this perfume called Love Spell, and I used that and my cat and cast the spell. 

Not long after, one day in late March while I was babysitting I saw a guy (PF) in the parking lot working on his car. He called out to me and started talking to me. I was flattered that he thought I was cute. He was 23 at the time. He asked why I was hanging out in the apartments and I told him I was babysitting. He made sure to chat with me the next few times I was there and then suggested he come over to the apartment and chill with me that night. I agreed and he came over. He brought wine, yes he knew I was 14. We kissed a bit but the 10 year old boy I was babysitting made sure nothing else went on. He suggested I come over to his place on a night I was not babysitting and the lady I was sitting for agreed to cover for me so I could spend the night with him. So I tell my Aunt N that I have to babysit all night and head over to his place. He has a friend from Seattle over but doesn't let that stop him from being with me. So while he and his friend are finishing dinner, I had already eaten, he suggests I go in and take a shower. When I am almost done he comes in and starts kissing me. We get in bed and he goes down to preform oral on me. I have never had this done and am not sure about it. Then he makes a comment about me being a natural blonde. This actually embarrasses me as I had been in the locker room and all the other girls had dark pubic hair but mine was light so in my mind I think I have still not matured yet. But he laughs and says no, it's a good thing and perfectly natural. Then he makes love to me. He is gentle and kind. What he didn't tell me was he and his friend had done mushrooms with their dinner so as soon as he finished he was tripping and went out to hang with his friend. 

Since my "spell" appeared to work I ordered the witchcraft mail order course by Gavin and Yvonne Frost. I began with the first installment. But was soon distracted by PF as we met a few times over the next few weeks, minus the mushrooms and his friend. 

But one morning Aunt N came looking for me and went to where I was supposed to be babysitting. The lady told her she must have missed me as she had sent me to the store. There were two ways to get from my house to hers and the store. Aunt N did not find me. But the next day she took me to finish out the school year at my Aunt J's house.

Aunt J

Aunt J

Cousin W

Aunt J and Uncle D had taken care of my siblings and I off and on throughout my life. I never could connect with Uncle D which made me feel like he didn't like me even if that was not the truth. He was never inappropriate with me. They had raised 5 children together and their youngest was two year older than I was. We both went to the same school but she would not be seen talking to me at school and barely talked to me at the house. We never rode to school together. My Uncle D was the band teacher to my high school as well and my Aunt J worked as a medical assistant. Aunt J was always very kind to me and showed me what a mother could be. Her house was always clean even when all five kids were at home. She was an inspiration to me. 

One day she let me ride one of the bikes to I rode all the way to the PAF's apartment, but he had gone out of town. You see I never had the chance to tell him why I stopped coming over. I left a message with a neighbor as the lady I babysat for had also moved. Towards the end of the school year my Aunt J took me to a graduation at the high school and gave me a dress I was really uncomfortable wearing, it was a wrap around dress and it would fly open. She gave me cheerleading undergarments to wear under it but I still felt exposed as I was the girl always hiding her chest behind books and dressing as unflattering as possible to avoid attention. 

Then I was moved to the coast to live with my mom and step dad. At least it was walking distance to my grandparents house. 

Grandma and Grandpa B's House