I moved to the coast to live with my mom and step dad in June of 1979, I was still 14 years old. One of the first things I remember about the new place was that my step dad insisted on teaching me how to change a tire which I thought was a little ahead of schedule as I wouldn't be able to drive for another two years. The house we lived in was a dump and should have been condemned. It had only a woodstove for heat so I had to learn how to start a fire if I didn't want to be cold. My bedroom barely had a door that closed and there was only room for a bed. I still got the creepy feeling from my step dad so I tried to stay away from him. The good part was I was walking distance to my grandparents house and I had a few cousins that lived not too far away as well. I fantasized about running away to California and becoming a prostitute. I would get these Fredericks of Hollywood catalogs and think about wearing all that sexy clothing. I had already figured out sex was all men wanted. The only good thing about my life at that point was I had my dog Trish to keep me company.
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| Trish and A little Girl my mom babysat Heidi |
Within a few days of arriving my mom and step dad arranged for me to go out with this guy in his 30's. He had a CB radio and I was chatting with this guy and the one I was with agreed to take me to meet the guy on the CB radio at the drive in. He was really cute and only 18. He asked me out and my mom agreed to let me go out with him. So every Friday he would come pick me up and we would go to the drive in. I also too a job in a restaurant that summer, lying about my age. So I stayed pretty busy that summer. The 18 year old was s till a virgin so I was not pressured to have sex with hm and that was nice as at this point I still wanted to be selective.
My mother always asked me to let her know when I got home from my dates and so after one date I knocked on her door and she didn't answer so I opened it and caught my mother in the act with my step father. I was so embarrassed I ran out and into the bathroom to wash my face. My mom came after me and she asked me if I was okay, but all I could say was "You make funny noises". SLAP right across my face. I was not expecting that. However, later it opened up a conversation that would help me later when it came to sex.
So summer was flying by, on a couple of my days off from work at the restaurant my mom and step dad took me camping with some friends of theirs. There were a couple of boys near my age camping too and they had a dirt bike. One boy (who I think had a crush on me) taught me how to ride the motorcycle and it was so fun. but when we got back to camp I suddenly could not remember how to stop and almost ran over my step dad. oops.
Then it was time for the annual fair and I ended up having to work some of it which upset my boyfriend as he felt I should have been at the fair with him. When I did get to go to the fair he ignored me as he was tending his families cows so I was wandering around and got asked to go in the dunk tank. I thought it would be fun and said sure. But my boyfriend came out and saw me all wet and got even angrier.
It was only a week or so later that my step dad took off back to Portland and my mom went looking for him. She found him at his ex's house but he was really sick. She took him to the hospital. Then she got sick enough to be hospitalized as well. While they were in Portland at the hospital I was staying at my grand parents and went on a date with my boyfriend. It was the night, I was going to finally have sex with him after dating for 2 months. He drove up into the mountains and we did it in his truck. It was quick to be sure and he said he had something in his eye right after and quickly dropped me off at my grand parents house.
When I awoke in the morning, I learned my step father had died. He apparently was worried about my mom in the hospital so had checked himself out to go see her. He got worse and died. I felt guilty because I had wished him dead. My brother moved back in with us as mom had no excuse for leaving him with my father now. My brother had a truck so he would drive us to school. On my first day of school my brother told a few people it was my birthday and a girl came up and wished me happy birthday and she decided she was going to be my friend. When I got home that day my boyfriend called and told me he felt we should break up so I could enjoy high school and meet a boy there. I felt betrayed again. another boy who only wanted one thing, sex, and as soon as he got it, he was gone. I never saw hm again.
At school the next day, I met a boy and he asked if I wanted him to show me around. We ended up under the bleachers and I tried to kiss him. He couldn't get away from me fast enough. He was the last high school boy I ever went out with. I rode the bus home and learned their were two girls my age that lived around the corner from me. one in each direction. So now, I had three new friends, one with a care who lived in town and the two in walking distance of me. We all became fast friends and went out driving around on the weekends. My brother started dating one of them and they dated for a little over a year.
I had quit working at the restaurant as soon as school started so I had a lot of free time on my hands. I was in choir and the pianist was a boy a year older than I was. He was so cute and went to the same church my grandma always took us to. She I joined the church youth group. Unfortunately, although he never came out while I knew him, I realized quickly I was not his type. But we remained friends over the next two years. I had a lot of HS crushes, but no HS boy I was interested in seemed interested in me at all. I had a lot of male friends but none I wanted to be with. I was always interested in older boys or the bad boy type. I frequently rode my bike over to the blimp hangers where to school for bad boys was and would arrange to meet boys at the movies.
At some point mom found a new BF and we moved out near the fairgrounds. I was still handing out with my little group and a couple of guys had now joined our little hang out group. both were interested in me but I was not interested in them. I was very superficial back then and looks were very important to me. one of them I kind of liked but I could not get past his teeth. They were so crooked. The other boy was just not good looking at all. but we all had fun hanging out. My brother eventually joined the Navy (My sister was already in the Army stationed in Okinawa Japan.
The summer before I turned 16 mom and her new boyfriend and I took a trip to Sacramento and picked up his 15 year old son. We really hit it off and were actually having sex in the back seat while they were driving. That continued for the couple of weeks he stayed with us and then he went home. Mom and the BF had moved a female room mate in to help with the bills. She was nice, she taught English as a Second Language (ESL) at the local collage annex.
I dated a boy from another HS for a couple of weeks but as soon as we had sex he stopped calling. It seemed any boy I tried to be a girlfriend to only lasted a couple of weeks or until we had sex. Eventually, my mom was in a fight with the new BF and called the police on him. He beat her up pretty badly. We stayed the night on the beach that day and my mother confided in me a few things about the men in her life and what she had been through.
She talked about how my father had contracted with the mob for her to be a prostitute and how dad drive a taxi and would bring John's to her. She talked about how he sexually abused her and used items that had damaged her insides. Then she told me she did not think he was actually my father as she had cheated on him as a way to take control of her sexuality. May Aunt J later confirmed her story about the prostitution. I was an adult with my own children when my Aunt J told me we had been removed from our parents custody because of the prostitution and my sister later told me we grew up as wards of the state. The only reason we lived with our mother was because she had left dad and moved to Portland so our grandparents allowed us to go stay with her.
She also introduced me to a man that night and said she thought he was actually my father. We moved into an apartment and he moved in with us immediately. Mom was working as a bartender at the time and was not home in the evenings. This man she thought was me father gave me speed while she was at work. I had a lock on my door and had locked myself in my room but noticed him trying to get in. It wasn't long before that guy was gone, mom said he left her for a 16 year old. Boy am I glad I had that lock. It was not long after that I woke up and went in the Livingroom to find 3 teenagers sleeping on our couch and a woman in bed with my mother. She claimed it was platonic and we were just helping them out.
Now I lived right downtown and my friends would skip school and come over to hang out while my mom was out. We would smoke pot and sometimes drink (They would I had already had a bad time once with alcohol). It was now the two girls that used to live near me a new girl and the two guys. We were always hanging out together. One day I was driving my moms car and we were all having fun. I was on my way to pick up my mom from one of her jobs and I decided to show off and do a few donuts. But I heard a loud pop so drove right over to get my mom and let her drive. We barely made it home before the transmission died. I felt so guilty that my friends helped me run away. We went to Astoria and a lamented about PAF as he was the only guy that had not left me after sex. After only a day I went home but I never told my mom I blew out her transmission doing donuts.
The new girl was emancipated and had her own apartment. We would all go there and hang out. The guy with the crooked teeth was still trying to get me to be his girlfriend but I was not into it. However, one day I went over there and caught him in bed with one of the other girls. He later tried again to get me to be his girlfriend but I was like there in no way now. You slept with my friend.
It was shortly after that I got another job thru CETA at the Tillamook National Guard Armory as a secretary. So I did not have as much time to hang out with my friends. I also got braces as I had to pay for them myself. So between work and school I was pretty busy. Occasionally my friends would stop by but after the boy slept with my friend we kind of grew apart.
Then one night I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I found my mother and the woman in the shower together. I think it was her embarrassment but she chased me into the kitchen and punched me in the face. I fell to the ground and she kept kicking me until I had a bruise the size of a grapefruit on my hip. The next day I didn't want to go to school as I had a black eye, a swollen lip, and that bruise on my hip. My friends skipped school with me and convinced me to report my mom. SO I went to my guidance counselor and told him what happened and he called Children's Protective Services. They removed me from the house and placed me in a foster home. However, two days later they gave me a choice, go back to live with mom or go live with my dad. I went home.
Over the second half of the school year we moved into a bigger apartment to accommodate the additional 4 people. My birthday falls at the beginning of the school year and my mother had always said I could move out as soon as I graduated. So I petitioned the school board to graduate a year early. This meant I had to complete a year and a half of school in half a year. . My mom signed it agreeing to let me graduate early thinking it would take me another year to complete all the coursework. I stopped trying to have a BF and just randomly had sex with people. Working at the National Guard gave me plenty of options. I was in a couple of plays between Sophomore and Junior year. I really enjoyed the theater and dreamt of becoming a movie star. Then the school board agreed to let me graduate early. I took day and night classes and worked at the National Guard armory. I completed all of the work and graduated an entire year early. Originally I planned on going in the military and took the ASVAB placement test. I wanted to be a pilot. Unfortunately, I wore glasses and could not be a pilot. But my test showed I could be an airline mechanic. No thanks. I knew I wanted to travel so I found a college offering a degree in National Travel Accounting Administration.
As I was getting ready to move back to Portland I ran into the boy with the crooked teeth. As a goodwill gesture I slept with him and then moved.
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